{Breaking Up: Fear}

Dear Fear,
We've been together a long time.  In fact, I think you were there at the hospital, right along with my grandparents in the pristine lobby, waiting for my wrinkled self to emerge so you could lay claim to me.  You kept an arm around me through all my growing-up years.  At first you kept me safe.  You wouldn't let me wander anywhere without my parents (which, in retrospect, may actually have been for the best).  You saved me years of scrapes and scars by making me hyperventilate at the thought of riding a bike until I was ten years old.  You are the reason I made up elaborate injuries to persuade my friends to play on the ground instead of racing to the treetops. I learned to recognize you as somewhere I could hide, a way I could stay safely inside my comfort zone and never, ever get hurt.  I trusted you.
As time went on, however, you became more and more controlling.  I feared punishment, so of course fourth-grade-me lied about cheating on that long-division test.  I feared rejection, so middle-school-me shifted her persona to be more acceptable to her peers, and when she was not, she retreated back into her lonely fortress.  I feared failure, so high-school-me molded herself into every image of success and found herself caught in a pursuit of meaningless glory that left her burnt-out and disgusted at the end.  Fear, it seems that wherever I turn, you are already there.
And I'm not going to do this anymore.  I found Someone else, Someone who says to be strong and very courageous.  I am not afraid to face myself anymore and admit my failures with honesty, because I now know that my shame has been borne by Another and my ugly everything is being made new.  I am not afraid of releasing my true identity to the scrutiny of the world, because I know that there is Someone who loves me and calls me a beloved creation formed after his own image.  I am not afraid to fall through the cracks of a rat-racing society and simply live by living simply, because now I know that I am judged successful based on how well I love, not on how well I stock my bank account.
We're done.  Thank you for keeping me safe, but I've found that safety does not reward.  Anything worth doing, worth being, requires a risk, and I can't afford to not take risks anymore.
I'm over you, Fear.  I'm in love - in Love - now, and so I'm casting you out because there is no fear in love.  You have no more place here.