Enough

Lately, I've been learning that everything in my life that hides under the ugly umbrella of "sin" is really an expression of disbelief - disbelief that God is who He says He is.  If I really believed that God is my source of strength, would I search for security anywhere else?  If I really believed that God will supply all my needs, would I bother to seek fulfillment in something that promises to satisfy, but in reality drains the life out of me?  If I really believed that God's grace is enough, would I cower through the awkward, guilt-ridden stage after He has gently pointed out a(nother) flaw in the dark corners of my heart? 

Time and again, I've asked myself if I really even know God at all.  The walls of my mental God-box begin to rebuild, but before they ever form completely, He does something that smashes the safe, comfortable image I've erected of Him and replaces it with Himself.  It's like He's saying, "This is who I am.  Do you trust now that everything I am is more than enough for you, that the real Me can satisfy every need and desire you have?" 

Always, the answer is yes - I mean, being confronted with a little bit more of who God really is is very overwhelming - but I have a terrible habit of turning back to the things that destroy me, of almost subconsciously replacing the Real God with a monotonous, tame being that looks a lot more like Sophia than it does anything else. 

So how to fix this?  Well, the recent awareness I've gained is definitely a good starting place.  Beyond that, maybe I need to remember the "basics" of prayer and reading the Bible...because how else am I going to get to know the Real God who promises to be my Delight and to satisfy every desire of my heart?  And I will pray with the father who found his last and only hope in Jesus: “I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!”